Now i know how it feels like to be the one left behind

i suddenly realise how true the saying "You'll never know how it feels like until you've experienced it for yourself" and i now know how it feels like to be left behind by somebody u care a great deal espcially she does not even call back one single time. its especially more difficult when all you do is sit at your desk every single day looking over at an empty cubicle and you go home earlier than usual cos you cannot stand the sight of it any longer. its frustrating to say the least. i know she just got there and is enjoying herself very much with her friends over there but i can't help feeling left out, ignored, put aside like a broken toy never to be looked at again. Sitting there in the corner just waiting for its owner to notice it and play with it. I hate this feeling. i hate that i'm feeling this way. i hate that i'm trying to ignore her in the hopes that she will call me or at least sms me to reassure me that nothing has changed. I feel like a needy 15 year old girl who clings to her bf and never lets him out of her sight. its really god damn frustrating and pathetic.

i guess this was how she felt 2 years ago when i left. i'm feeling guilty now of the way i left, never saying when i'd return, not calling back not even once, that i didn't spend more time on messenger with her... i guess she did the right thing cos maybe i wasn't really in love her enough to care about her feelings and how she might have felt that i did not call her at all. i just wished she had then told me so.

this feeling inside me, it feels like i'm missing something... like there's a hole and air is rushing it through it and i get don't know what to do to mend the hole. i don't want to pressure her and ruin her vacation so i think i should just refrain from calling her everyday or chatting with her on msn. at least it will give her space to do her stuff over there and for me to cool down and be normal again.