i'm back

okok i know its been a year or so since the last time i blogged but i didn't have much bad news to report until today that is. So i just got promoted which is a good thing obviously, and my new role involves me working with the newbies in the company to help them settle in and work efficiently with the ppl in Aus. As newbies they need to send their work to a reviewer in Aus. After the reviewer feels that the newbie is ready she will let the newbie go. My role of so i was informed is to help the newbie like a "tuition teacher" and guide him/her to be released as soon as possible, ie to be good as soon as possible. So what i did today was i wrote a "guide" on how to work efficiently with the reviewer and sent it to the newbies hoping it would help give some insight and tips. Sadly the upper management came to know about this and screwed me for sending my opinions and my tips to help their newbies to be better. I mean... what the hell? According to them this is not my job function, I should have sent it to them for approval first, I should have CC-ed all the management in when i send emails to the newbies and that we never discussed this in my interview which we did. So i got all defensive and exchanged some very sarcastic emails with them. If you had set a meeting up earlier and gave us our job description in detail like you were suppose to do this wouldn't have happened. Now you are blaming me for doing what i perceived to be my job??? Not forgetting that you gave me a totally new book to do in one month, and i'll say it again ONE MONTH, without assigning my updates to anyone and when i requested for help you were no where to be found because you were on leave for one whole week and when you did come back you took 3 whole days to finally tell someone to tell me that there is no one to help and you're on your own! Do you know how many OT i've put in in the last 2 weeks??? Do you know that i had to come in on Sundays to work on your book?? Do you know that i have another book just 6 days after this book clears??? Do you know that after that book clears i have another book to do? Do you think i am superman??? sigh... these days ppl in the office have been quitting because they needed a break. Yes you have to quit if you need to take a break because the work never stops. I'm seriusly considering taking a break and do a masters. I mean if you're gonna screw me left and right why the hell am i breaking my back for you?

What have we learned from the above? Management always wins. thats the sad truth.

back to being bored

i'm so bored... so bored that i've started irritating other ppl. sorry lah u know who u are... the past 2 weeks have been tiring... i was in sydney during that period and it wasn't as hyped up as it made out to be. i meet some nice ppl over there, got to know Charles, Wai Lee and Lin more personally, worked on a very thick book, talked a lot on msn, went on a few excursions, spent a lot of time in the bathtub and the rest of the time was spent on missing a certain somebody. plus it was freaking hot and like i tell everybody, i HATE those damn flies!!! so its good to be back. although i haven't really gotten used to being back in the office. feels a bit weird... i know that i was only there for 2 weeks but i kinda get the feeling that ppl are a bit more formal when they say hi to me... makes me feel like a stranger... :( anywaytime to get back into the routine.

Now i know how it feels like to be the one left behind

i suddenly realise how true the saying "You'll never know how it feels like until you've experienced it for yourself" and i now know how it feels like to be left behind by somebody u care a great deal espcially she does not even call back one single time. its especially more difficult when all you do is sit at your desk every single day looking over at an empty cubicle and you go home earlier than usual cos you cannot stand the sight of it any longer. its frustrating to say the least. i know she just got there and is enjoying herself very much with her friends over there but i can't help feeling left out, ignored, put aside like a broken toy never to be looked at again. Sitting there in the corner just waiting for its owner to notice it and play with it. I hate this feeling. i hate that i'm feeling this way. i hate that i'm trying to ignore her in the hopes that she will call me or at least sms me to reassure me that nothing has changed. I feel like a needy 15 year old girl who clings to her bf and never lets him out of her sight. its really god damn frustrating and pathetic.

i guess this was how she felt 2 years ago when i left. i'm feeling guilty now of the way i left, never saying when i'd return, not calling back not even once, that i didn't spend more time on messenger with her... i guess she did the right thing cos maybe i wasn't really in love her enough to care about her feelings and how she might have felt that i did not call her at all. i just wished she had then told me so.

this feeling inside me, it feels like i'm missing something... like there's a hole and air is rushing it through it and i get don't know what to do to mend the hole. i don't want to pressure her and ruin her vacation so i think i should just refrain from calling her everyday or chatting with her on msn. at least it will give her space to do her stuff over there and for me to cool down and be normal again.

Meeting my ex for the first time after 2 years

I'm just pathetic. i imagined the scenario over and over in my mind from the day she said she found someone new till the day i arrived back in Malaysia. It was just as i imagined. There i was sitting with my old bunch of friends at the mamak stall when she and her boyfriend would sit at a table near us. i got up went over and said hi to her, then look at her boyfriend, laugh like a hyena and then proceed to kick his ass. then i turn to her and say "Good riddance". but that was not it went. (oh and here's a brief recap of why i turned 18SG, when i left malaysia for australia 2 years ago, my status was "in a relationship". about two weeks later my status changed to single because she hooked up with somebody else and she had the nerve lie about it and say asked for the breakup on the basis of our differences) anyway it went like this instead.... i was sitting with my bunch of friends when my friend pointed that my ex, her boyfriend and a couple of their friends were sitted two tables behind me. They told me not to turn around but i did, i was curious what she looked like after 2 years ok... i didn't get a good look though cos the indian waiter dude was walking by. so there i sat for 15 minutes and i had a numbing feeling and my heart was beating a beat faster. i guess it was the anticipation of finally meeting her face to face after so many years (2 years is a long time k). finally the moment arrived when we paid for our drinks and walked over to say hi. it was surreal as if i was on automatic shift. i just said hi, smiled, shook hands with her boyfriend (which reminds me i'm gonna go wash hands now) and left. walking towards my car i felt a bit sad. She has moved on, why can't i move on. i guess every girl that has been in my life somehow stays in my life... always coming back to haunt me... never letting me forget.

Kena Bully....

Have you ever had one of those days when you don't feel like rushing to work so you drive at 80-90kmh per hour only to be overtaken left and right by cars and motocycles alike? i'm having one of those days... still looking at the opposite lane which was jam right up to the putrajaya toll was a nice change cos usually i'm one of those drivers will is always stuck in the slowest lane of a massive jam... i even took photos using my NEW (hehe) handphone which caused me to swerve a bit because i was trying to aim the phone properly which might have scared the guy driving behind me causing him to slow down and after that kept a distance of 4 cars from me. lesson to learn, use your right hand to to hold the phone so that your left hand is free to steer, change gears and pull the hand brake in case you swerve into the barrier.

Lessons in driving old cars

If you've driven an old car for more than a year you would know how i feel everytime i drive my old beat-up but loyal nissan sunny. Every you back out of the drive way, you'll get that nagging feeling that the car might just go KA BOOM!!! because her engine after years of running, finally overheats till the point of no return and decides to blow you up to smitherins. right so why am i talking about all blowing up and all, well its because last night while driving home i was suddenly overtaken from the right at breakneck speed by this stupid idiotic moronic psychotic woman driving a waja, which so happens to look like my waja, because she wanted to get to the tunai toll booth on the left while i was going straight to the Touch and GO. So what to do, i have to emergency brake and let her through lah... if not her car will have a huge dent the size of J Lo's big round ass. i BLASTED my horn and my mouth screaming foul languages in all three of my spoken languages. but thats not the reason for this blog. its what happened afterwards. So after letting the insolent woman pass, i started to realize that my car was jerking a lot everytime i slowed down or stop. so this meant that i had to keep my right foot on my accelerator to keep the engine from dying. This however prevented me from using my right foot to press the brake pedal. O_O this happened after the cyberjaya toll and i managed to drive all the way to puchong when my car finally gave up as i HAD to step on the brakes as i was going down a steep hill. so i slid to a stop at the side of the road. I tried to start the car again but to no avail. i even tried pulling that thing under the stering wheel which automatically accelerates the car (those driving auto might not know what i'm talking about) but it came out in my hands (Cha dou). finally i called my dad. while waiting i walked to the nearby coffee shop to have a drink, thinking about whether i should take tomorrow off to get my car fixed. when my father got there we tried starting the engine again and lo and behold it started and it was alright all the way home. When we got home we checked the car and found that there was no coolent in the radiator which caused the engine to overheat thus the jerking and mati engine-ing. so we filled it up with water and hoped that it would be ok the next day. Me being here (at the office) proves that a little water can go a long way. The lesson to learn from this experiencec is to if you're driving an old car, always make sure that the hazard light is working. Nuf said.

Why do i always feel the need to blog when i feel nostalgic

i didn't really feel like blogging these past few days even when something had happened over the weekend but today after listening and singing my lungs out to "Against All Odds" by Phil Collins (one of my fav songs only i didn't know the title and the singer until now :P) did i reliased that i am feeling a bit lonely. not that i don't have friends but i miss the special moments you share with someone u adore. i miss just cuddling next to each other in front of the tv. i miss the thousands of calls with the same question over and over again, "Where r you now?" i miss the privilege of being able to kiss someone anytime well nearly anytime u want. i miss the spur of moment instance when you suddenly feel the need to see her and u just go to her house and take her for an aimless drive around the block. i miss those moments. so here's Phil Collins and Adrian singing "Against All Odds"


How can I just let you walk away, Just let you leave without a trace
When I stand here taking every breath with you, ooh
You're the only one Who really knew me at all
How can you just walk away from me, When all I can do is Watch you leave
Cos we've shared the laughter and the pain, And even shared the tears
You're the only one who really knew me at all
So take a look at me now, 'Cos there's just an empty space
And there's nothing left here to remind me, Just the memory of your face
Take a look at me now, 'Cos there's just an empty space
And you coming back to me
Is against all odds and that's what I've got to face

I wish I could just make you turn around, Turn around and see me cry
There's so much I need to say to you, So many reasons why
You're the only one Who really knew me at all
So take a look at me now, 'Cos there's just an empty space
And there's nothing left here to remind me, Just the memory of your face
Take a look at me now, 'Cos there's just an empty space
But to wait for you, Well that's all I can do and that's what I've got to face
Take a good look at me now, 'Cos I'll still be standing here
And you coming back to me is against all odds
That's the chance I've got to take, oh, oho

(ends with me and Phil taking a bow under the rain of undergarments thrown by thousands of hot models cos this so happens to be the launch of Playboy in Malaysia!)